We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
where does the pee come out of this thing
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
