I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
