tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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