he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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