ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
