whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Randomize
