Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
