shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
