he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
