Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
