I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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