My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
