he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
