I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
