I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
