.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
