Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
