You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
