my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
