it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
