You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
