I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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