the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
