Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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