Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
