Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We need a shit load of segways right now
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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