There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
