Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
