Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
