i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The best revenge is premature balding
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
