I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
