Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
