come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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