he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
