kristin has been a bad kristin
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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