How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
