I cannot find my penis.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
