You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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