I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Is this like a preordered booty call?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
