Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
