I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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