If that was your dad, he is hot
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
