Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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