hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
