yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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