So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
