After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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