is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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