I can text with my tongue
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
