i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
