yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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