why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
