you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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