you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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